I’ve been traveling around for work for the vast majority of the last month, so generally speaking I’ve been anything but at a loose end. Evenings were full of work or spent with the colleagues / friends I was traveling with. But now I’m back and finding that I don’t know what to do with myself a lot of the time. It’s giving me time to think about things, and that never ends well.
I think my PhD is in better shape than I had been supposing. I found a couple of stupid mistakes in my code today and now it actually seems to be working quite well. With a bit of tweaking of settings it might produce valid, or even impressive, output. This is good. It means I can stick to my plan to only put in eight hour days at the lab (though I might do a bit of writing up at home). An eight hour days feels pretty short just now. Thus the stress levels may reduce. I’ve more or less been running on stress and adrenaline/caffeine for the last few months though, so once again: time and head space to think about things.
It’s making me very uncertain about a lot of things. The financial market is clearly well up shit creak, and it ate its paddle some miles back. This also coincides with a financial meltdown of my own, precipited by my funding running out and exaserbated by my purchase of a car. Yep, I reckon I’ll look back on that one as a particularly retarded mistake in years to come. I’ve got things on a more or less stable footing now, but my long term security is… clouded… not what I’d like it to be… in a lot of respects.
I also find myself thinking about sex, love, friendship, their relationship to each other, and my relationship to each. Things I had, things I’ve lost, and things I want in the future. I’m not feeling quite introspective enough to textualise any of that just now, but you should probably be thankful for that.
These are indeed uncertain times.
I’ve also decided to try and get back into going to the gym. I’ve had no time for excersise in the last month and have probably been eating a little too well and it’s stating to show. I went for the first time in what feels like an age last night, and, you know what, it felt pretty good. I’ve missed that post gym sensation of having actually done something and made my muscles (such as they are) work for a living.
I just looked out of the window. The sun is shining! Time to go out into it, I suspect!